Social media & psychology

Why we need to be a bit more serious about psychology terms that are popping up everywhere social media.

Earlier this year, I sat down with my former colleague Stacy Lee Kong to talk about celebrities and mental health. Two of my favourite subjects, to be quite honest. But this also got me thinking about how psychology is showing up in social media posts and pop culture at large.  

We’ve all seen someone on social media talk about a narcissistic ex or how their need for order is an OCD tendency or trait, or how they cut someone out of their life because they wanted to set a boundary. And while it helps destigmatize mental health challenges for people to have the correct vocabulary, it may also do a bit of a disservice to us and our mental health. We may have even participated in this type of behaviour ourselves (no shame here!). I am certainly not perfect, but what I can say is that my career in journalism, my interest in pop and celebrity culture, and finally, my five years studying psychology, have all helped me to hone a critical, yet empathetic eye when it comes to which personas people are bringing online, and what complaints they are adding to their feeds.

First of all, narcissism, borderline personality and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) are all diagnosis’ from the DSM, the manual used by psychiatrists and psychologists to diagnose people with personality disorders and other mental health illnesses. The book is big and very long. And these diagnoses are a very serious thing. In pop culture vernacular they have become second-hand ways of describing someone’s personality or a trait about them. These terms, however, can often be seen in a negative way and can cloud someone’s judgement about another person or even themselves. Who has felt good about themselves when they are called a narcissist?

It is important to recognize, though, that we all tend to have, say, narcissistic or borderline traits, as both of the personality disorders are actually on a spectrum. When we become triggered (another very popular term being thrown around social media), our defense mechanisms can kick in, leading us to behave in maladaptive ways. And these ways can show up as these traits. But they don’t mean that we have or should be diagnosed with a personality disorder. Such diagnoses can be very beneficial for some people, but being labelled something that is seen as a serious mental health issue, can also cause us mental distress.

The same goes for when we say we are being ‘triggered’ or ‘enforcing boundaries’, and using these terms incorrectly. Some people confuse triggers with emotions. For example, saying something or someone has triggered you, is not the same as the thing or event stirring up very real, intense emotions. A trigger is something that viscerally takes you back to a moment in time or brings you back to the feeling of a past relationship (caregiver or otherwise). And we cannot be trigged by someone else, we are triggered, if that makes sense. Being triggered is not the responsibility of the other person. Subtle differences, but differences none-the-less.

And when it comes to boundaries (which are very important), and the delivery of said boundaries, it’s best to handle them when in a regulated state (i.e., not activated emotionally). Boundaries are best communicated when you are open to connection with another person and not just in protection mode. Easier said than done, absolutely, but important to consider the next time we grab our phones to fire off a boundary setting text message.

These terms, just like implying someone is ‘crazy’ or ‘hysterical’ for expressing their emotions, should be handled with a bit more care. Because just like most mental health challenges, there is nuance to each person, situation and interaction—things are not always so black and white.

*I would love to keep this conversation going, so please email me your thoughts!